Sunday, July 25, 2010

So you want to be adopted...

I was directed to a very interesting blog post by Camryn Fouroux  about a child avi's first experience at looking into being adopted.  I feel for Ms Camryn and understand her being uncomfortable with the whole process. It is scary and yes seems weird at first.  When you walk into an adoption agency its like WOAH!  You are almost immediately IMd by not just one, but usually a few people asking you if you have a family, do you want a family, how old you are... etc.  It is so very overwhelming.  So I thought I would give you future kid's and parents a little insight as to what to look for, what to expect and so on.. Well at least from my point of view.

Adoption agencies seem so confusing and scary.. there are all these kids and adults alike just wandering around, you see panels all over the wall of what seems like a million kids and a million adults. But you really want to give it a try.   First of all. A parent usually is not allowed to ask a child if they can adopt them and then tp them to their house. At MAW it is defintely not allowed. Its for your own good really. I will be the first to admit there are pervs out there. I myself was tpd one time when I was all new to this myself, and asked to be a child escourt. It freaked me out so bad, I almost left SL.   So if someone wants to talk to you about them being your parents, make sure you ask them to see their adoption panel. 

Okay first step, you make your panel, which you will include your application. When you fill your application out, be as honest as you can, and make sure you put in there anything and everything you can think of, that you want from a family. What you feel you need as a child, what you want out of them. There are lots of questions in the applications, fill it out as completely as you can. 

After you have made your panel, its time to go look at the parent panels.  Each of the parent panels have nc's in them too. which tells what they would like from a child avatar. Be choosy, take your time.

I will tell you what I think is best to look for when you are looking through the parent panels.
I really would want to find parents that were more than a few days old. I would want them to already have a place to call home. Wealth wouldn't matter to me at all.  I think you should IM them before you click like, see how they react-explain to them you like their panel but wanted to say hi before you actually clicked the like option.  You ask them questions when you IM, and decide they are someone that you really like, so you take a deep breathe and click the like option, and all the sudden the hover text above your panel turns red. They had clicked like on your panel already, and you have matched.   They IM you again, saying well looks like we are matched, and they tp to see you.  Now here is the tricky part.. do you automatically go with them, or do you want to just hang out before you go see your *new* house.  I really think it depends on how you feel when you see them, how you guys hit it off.. stay at the agency a little while, talk and then decide.

Now the real trial begins. You are usually shown your room, usually introduced to a ton of people that are called family. They dote on you usually. They will ask a lot of questions, and sometimes they will seem like they are being nosey.. but they are also wary, answer as honestly as you can and feel comfortable.  The trials in my opinion are way too short.  Sometimes they will purchase you a bedroom set and clothes. It's up to you whether you accept the gifts, I never would until the adoption is final.

After a few days if you are still unsure, or havent gotten to know them, don't be shy and asking if the trial can be longer.  No reason to be stamped adopted if you are not comfortable with them, and speaking of being comfortable. If at anytime during your trial you feel uneasy, or feel like its not what you want.. then don't hesitate to cancel the trial. Make sure you tell them, by offline or right there with them. It's only fair.  And you will start the whole process again.

1. make a panel
2. read parent panels.
3. be very very choosy, take your time
4. Never go anywhere with anyone unless, they have a panel and you are very comfortable with them. 
5. MAW Does not let anyone under 18 RP age, adopt a child.
6. If you see a Parent that looks interesting while you are at MAW making plans to adopt. Do IM them, talk to them if you like, ask to see their panel.
6. Be happy, have fun, enjoy being a child again. But don't settle just because you really really want to have parents. You will never be happy if you rush it.  And remember, be responsible for yourself and TP out if you need to.

A Quick note to those that want to be parents. The above applies to you guys too. Be choosy, take your time, find a child that will fit in with you, be totally honest when filling out your application. Don't fall for the cute kids that hint about "I feel so ugly, I wish I had a new skin" Or "I wish I had cute clothes like you" among various ploys to get you to buy them stuff.  Most of the kids that I know, will not be comfortable accepting anything from someone that isnt a parent nor would they ever ask.  The big rule of thumb with kids- While you are on trial with them, do not buy them any large amounts of anything.

 But If you want them to pick out a bedroom, or something that is not clothing, or toys. Buy it if you want, but you rez it. Then when the adoption is final and you are comfy, give them the gifts.. 

I know it sounds like I am saying all kids are out for some kinda scam or something but I am not. Sure there are brats, and kids that just are in SL to cause trouble. But there is tons of decent kids out there, that really need to be given a chance, do not let the bad ones keep you from finding that perfect and decent one.

1. Make a panel
2. Be very very choosy, expect IM's from kid avi's. If you aren't interested, be nice but firm and tell them stop iming.
3. Take your time, take a couple of weeks if you want. To even match with a child
4.Talk it over with the child and decide if you want a longer trial.
5.. Cancel the trial if you are uncomfortable, but please let the child know you have canceled it.
6.. Do not buy any large expensive items, until the adopt is final and you are sure that this child is for you.
7. If you see a child that looks interesting while you are at MAW making plans to adopt. Do IM them, talk to them if you like ask to see their panel.
8. Have fun, be happy, Kids are fun. Just think someone you can be all nerdy and dorky with and they won't laugh at you.. they will laugh with you.

When asked by an adult what I need and want as a child avi, I tell them;  That I want what any child wants.. inside SL or out. To be loved, to snuggle and to play. To not be faulted or blamed for mistakes but to be told 'No' sometimes and 'that is not a good idea'. To experience a close to perfect childhood as possible.

I hope this has given at least a little insight into How, when and what to look for if you decide to go on either of these paths (adopt or be adopted) If you do, good luck, and if you ever have any questions, I know myself or any of the scribblers would not mind helping you or even walking you through the process at an adoption agency :)

Hugs ;3333


  1. Thanks for this post! You did a great job in explaining how to make the adoption process a happy one rather than a bad experience. When I get enough nerve to try again, I'll definitely use your tips! :-)

  2. I think this was one of, if not the best, post about adoption yet.

    Good Job, Abby!

    Most of all, thank you for getting those warnings out there. I sadly don't think many people that are new/old to adoption know how to keep it safe for both sides.

    I have been a child avie going on 3 years now and have seen parents get used, children get lied to.. just all around hurt. I like when people give honest warnings for both parent and child!